Well, haven't been blogging much lately. A lot's been going on. There was drama with my sister's ex-husband's family, family drama, he-said she-said bull with some patna's & then I found out I'll be induced on February 8th! I've been trying really hard to get ready but it's so hard to prepare for someone you've never met! I bought all these clothes, diapers, baby washes & lotions. My mom bought a crib & so I was close to buying a new crib bedding set but it was either get that & hold off on all the smaller necessities, or get all the little things & get that next week when I get paid again. It's been really tough financially for us because my husband hasn't worked since August of 2010 so we were living off my income until I got laid off, then we were living off my unemployment. It's been a tight squeeze but thankfully, I've had a lot of help along the way. There was a lot of skepticism on what might happen during the pregnancy, but I can only thank our Father in Heaven for blessing my baby with perfect health so I can meet her soon! In one week & 5 days, I'll meet my baby girl.
Things have been somewhat complicated lately. I'm super annoyed by my roommates most days, I've been so clingy to my husband that I'm sure I'm driving him crazy, my sister's ex-husband & his family have been trying to take the kids on bullshit grounds, my "friends" have become far & few in between, I'm in the middle of an appeal for a tax deficiency, my mother and I just got back to speaking terms and I have been trying really hard to stay on top of these bills, my insurance changes, my work & last but not least, my husband hasn't really been keeping his family updated on what's been going on so I think they think I'm not letting him. I try to take it all one at a time, but it's so hard to remember to do one thing & then go back to the other once I'm done. I feel like I'm falling & nobody sees it but me. I would confide in my husband, but lately I feel like everything I tell him makes him look at me differently & I'm tired of trying to reassure myself that everything's okay between us. If they are, then I'd rather not disturb them & if they aren't, then I don't want to know. I feel like the hampster who thinks he's running but he's really on a wheel that keeps going in circles no matter how fast or how slow he moves. How do I get off the ferris wheel?
My sister quit her job yesterday. That's great & all since she has the 2 kids at home that she should be taking care of, but her boyfriend has been sick & calling in every day for about a week and a half now. Who knows how long he'll have that job & then what will happen to the kids & our apartment? I love my sister, but I would think that after 2 years of marriage to a man who couldn't physically or emotionally support her & 2 kids, why would she put herself right back into another man's hands? I've already learned that even with a man beside you, there's NEVER a complete certainty that he'll be able to take care of you. I haven't ever depended on anyone but myself for my financial needs & I think my sister's dumb for thinking she can depend on anyone but herself to take care of her & her kids. Her ex quit his job to get out of paying child support & her boyfriend has had 3 jobs since they started dating exclusively a year ago. I don't see any stability patterns forming here. Don't get me wrong, not that I don't think I can depend on my husband when I say all this, but after nearly 2 years of marriage, I've worked the same job the entire time & he's had 2 different jobs working each for only 3 months before he got let go. Who would you trust to take care of the finances? All I'm saying is, maybe my sister should have saved up or something before taking a leap of faith & quitting her job. As much as I'm always ready & willing to help support my niece & nephew, I have a baby coming that I need to think of first now.
Time was going quickly when I thought there was 9 months to go, but now that there are 2 weeks left, it feels like time isn't moving at all! I guess I'll just count the days as they come. Soon & very soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment